I havent written on Xanga for a long long time. I find time to do it today, because it's such a happy time in my life right now. I think.. I guess why I havent written in so long is because I have been so happy..

I'm with the man I love... and his devotion has been absolute .. his love for me beyond the scope of the word.

Sometimes I am an idiot and lose faith in him when I shouldnt. Call it being a woman.. easiest excuse I know.. but we tend to lose our marbles sometimes. There I said it.. guys, it is true! Women go nuts. And we see things very very irrationally sometimes.

But the wonderful thing about a man is, if he truly loves someone, he will stick by her, NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what crazy things she says or does. I dont think I've ever quite understood how deep this love could be, when a man loves a woman this way.

I know what some people would think.. well isnt this also true for the woman.. wouldnt she stand by her man if she loves him too? Well yes. But women will never forget what it was like when the man she loves did something that hurt her or by which she felt betrayed. She will carry it for life like a scar, despite loving him. And it will imprint on her heart and influence all her future relationships or the current one. She will recall it during fights. She will use it as a shield when she feels defenseless. Men will not linger on past hurts. When they get over it, they truly do forgive and forget.

I really admire them for this quality. I dont think I can so easily let go of a grudge I've held. My love can and he does. And he humbles me in this respect. I think I discover something unique about human nature in this experience.. If the horrible things I said were said to me.. I would let the hurt take over. Men have an inherent reasoning capacity I think, that allows them to see through the grey, the grit and the grissly.And their absolute love and committment to another never fails them. And the relationship becomes stronger than ever.

Kudos to you my love.

Exams are looming!! Yep its that time of year again. Very stressful and all you can think about are the holidays. Please o please o please let me have luck in my summer work applications! I swear your last summer of uni before graduating seems to feel like the hardest. So many things to think about. Well, otherwise, life is good. Stressful but good. Just feel like I'm in limbo a little bit. And that time is standing annoyingly still. And all the stress is getting to my head, making me lose a wee bit of my sanity everyday. Little little problems feel like mountains of weight on my skull. And aspects of life that didnt appear to be irritating seem to suddenly loom in my face like the most annoying sibling you can picture. I snap at friends for no reason other than so-called 'logical' reasons I think up of myself and then wonder where my head has been misplaced. My poor boyfriend. Hope I dont take this out on him, he;s got enough stress of his own. And it's not even pms time! Oh dear, no excuse this time. And he's been such an angel, I cant be cranky. Oh well. Maybe I should have gone to the gym again today. Arrgh. Feel like I need to destress somehow, but cant think of any way. <sigh>. I'll be off. Hope everyone else is well. Holidays, come quickly!!

- UPDATE ! -

Wow I havent written in here for aaages!! I guess been that busy. And life takes up a lot of time . Happy as always. Happy in my studies generally, although its tough because will be graduating soon. Scary. And exciting at once. Happy in my relationship. One year three months and counting . I'm in love with an absolutely wonderful guy and he loves me back just as much. It's amazing. And exciting to think of life ahead .

What else. Oh I got contact lenses!! Hehe. Coloured ones too. Very excited. Had fun at the optometrists today, trying out different colours and going out into the street with a mirror to see what they look like, lol. People were staring but what the heck. Had a blast.

Hmm. I doubt anyone reads my blogs anymore, so I'll pen off . Cheerio to anyone who does,

...LoTuS...

Sometimes, relationships are difficult. Love is always there, but issues, little issues are so so annoying. They make u see the worst side of everything.. in every little situation or conflict, the negative aspects scream at you blatantly and shamelessly. You lose all sense of rationality. I guess that's why they call it anger. Why do guys think soooo differently to us!!! I cant understand it!! What is common sense to us is so often a foreign language to them..

I know we will be ok.. but this period of feeling so despondent is heartbreaking. We just have to love love love through it all I guess.. And feed the heart positive food every day, bit by bit..

... LoTuS ...